Okay, Christmas is coming and I’m feeling right now like the Grinch because things have been breaking down right and left at home. And, of course, all need major financial-draining fixes. Which translates to, “Oh, how I wish I could win that Secret Santa jackpot on Wheel of Fortune.” But, luck has never favored me, so a Wheel of Fortune win would be equal to winning the lottery when I never buy a ticket.
But just imagining coming into a bazillion dollars and Christmas looming, well, what if . . . What if money were no object? What would I purchase for myself? Maybe—
* Go on a worldwide shopping spree and buy a real Indian elephant resplendent with tapestries and one of those canopied saddle-chairs. Oh, wait, I just tried to look up the name of that saddle-chair thingamabob and found an article saying the ASPCA considers riding elephants is animal cruelty. Scratch the elephant. Maybe a tiger? No, I’m not a cat person, just ask the house cat that tolerates me.
* Take a trip to the North Pole. Oh wait, it’s frigid up there, and I am not one for freezing. How about Antarctica instead? Oh, wait, it’s summer down there and everything is melting and it’s nonstop sunshine. Scratch both poles and all places in arctic zones.
* Buy an island. Oh, wait—swarms of bugs invariably swarm me every summer, so I’d likely be eaten alive in any tropical clime. Forget the tropic island paradise.
* Buy a fire-engine red Lamborghini Veneno (cost: $3,900,000 and only three are made per year). This beauty goes 0 to 60 mph in 2.8 seconds with a top speed of 221 mph. But then there’s the swifter, less expensive Bugatti Veyron Super Sports ($2,400,000) that goes 0 to 60 mph in 2.5 seconds with a top speed of 267 mph. Oh, wait—I’m likely to get a speeding ticket just for sitting still in either vehicle.
* Buy the ultimate desktop PC, with speed, power, RAM and— Oh, wait, I only use 9% of my current computer’s one terabyte of memory. What would I fill an ultimate computer with? Foolish idea. Scrap the PC.
(Big sigh followed by a big smile.)
Stretching my imagination was uplifting, and I feel a whole lot better, but maybe, just maybe, I should stick with the usual Christmas stuff, like a nice sweater. Yeah, a sweater. Maybe cashmere. What does a cashmere sweater cost?
So, if money were no object, what would you buy (operative word here is “buy”) for an over-the-top Christmas gift for yourself?
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