I recently read an article that implied (at least that’s how I read it) that sarcasm was bad for a marriage. That in fact, it was a factor that could potentially lead to divorce.
(As an aside, one could argue that about everything, right? I mean, some people lose their shit over which way the toilet paper is placed on the roll. Or that the other person in the relationship can’t put a fresh roll on when they’re done with their, er, shit.)
Anywho, this article expressly discussed sarcasm and its ability to destroy a marriage. That if there is sarcasm, there are underlying factors that erode away at the trust necessary to maintain a happy, healthy relationship.
I call bullshit.
Please note, this blog is not technical. I have no research or facts to back up whatever I say here. This is entirely my opinion, based on my observations as I’ve wandered through my life. That said, I’m not completely ignorant to the concept of marriage, love, and happily ever after.
I write romance, after all.
I also happen to have eighteen years’ worth of marriage tucked under my belt (sharing space with those pounds I’ve managed to rack up over the course of nearly two decades). And the majority of my inner circle of friends and family are married as well. In fact, my inner circle has a significantly lower divorce rate than the US national average. A pretty impressive fact, actually. I think so, anyway.
Funny, of the handful of divorces I’ve gone through (not me personally, but my friends and/or family), as I recall those relationships before they tanked, there was a distinct lack of sarcasm.
Speaking of, there was also a gaping hole in the humor column in those marriages, which is something I personally hold in high esteem. His sense of humor is what attracted me to my husband initially, what keeps me around eighteen years later. Well, that and his amazing cooking skills, but that’s a whole separate blog post. (Lucky for him I consider humor to be of higher value than one’s ability to change the toilet paper roll.)
Maybe that’s why I found that article to be so off. Because to me, humor and sarcasm go hand-in-hand, and humor makes my marriage go ‘round. Wait, that didn’t even remotely sound right. Anyway, you get my drift. I hope.
When we get together with our friends or families the best times are had when we’re simply sitting around talking and laughing. Being sarcastic. Cracking jokes. Teasing. Making fun of this or that or each other. It isn’t demeaning or cruel or insulting. It’s fun.
And loving. Hell, if my husband didn’t have sarcasm, I’m not sure he’d have any emotions at all. (Also a conversation for another blog post…)
Some of my favorite couples from my own books have relationships that are loaded with sarcasm, which is precisely why I love them so much. Gavin from my Twisted Fate series (the first book, which is his and Sydney’s story, is Of Love and Darkness) is possibly my favorite of the heroes I’ve written, because he’s such an anti-hero. Everything that comes out of his mouth is snarky or sarcastic, yet he’s inadvertently nice and loving and he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.
Kinda like my husband. (Don’t tell him I may have written a character modelled after him. It might go to his head.)
I guess the moral of my story (wait, I have to come up with a moral?) is this: Don’t let anyone else tell you what will or not work in your marriage. That’s between you and your spouse. And maybe a few of your closest smart-ass friends.
Okay, I’m just kidding about that last bit. I mean, unless it works for you. Who am I to tell you how to manage your own relationships?