Confessions of a Technophobe

Technology hates me. 

I was born without the gene called, “ability-to-understand-technology.” You might say I am “technophobic.” And I learned this early in my writing career.

Years ago, when my first book came out, my publisher arranged for a Facebook introduction featuring me and two other authors releasing books the same day. I set up a Facebook page, prepared my posts, and when I was introduced nothing happened. The internet connection was too weak, or so I thought. My publicist came on, apologized to everyone that I must have had technical difficulties, and that was that. 

At home I was screaming, crying, cursing—-technology. This was my first big introduction to the reading world and I failed to connect.

And so it has gone ever since.

My author friends rave about all the latest apps, tech sites, graphic programs, and new ways to connect with readers. My eyes gloss over and my heart sinks. Even if I try, I know something will go wrong. Murphy’s law? No, Pamela’s law. Most of the time, even the “easy to use guides” have terms I have never even heard of.

Am I alone? Maybe not. When I belonged to a Kindle World Group, the kind author in charge set up release parties featuring author page hops. Her assistant gave us detailed (for dummies) instructions on how to get in, how to post, how to introduce the next author, what to say when you leave. Step by step, fail safe. 

That one I didn’t mess up because she KNEW I needed each thing carefully explained. Her assistant answered questions, was available to prompt, and whew! I got through it.

I did have one big flop with that group. When we were supposed to do an in-person live post, my face failed to show up on the screen. But I tried! 

In today’s pandemic culture, meetings are being held through Zoom. I have the app. But I have a Mac. Somehow Zoom needs extra stuff to work on a Mac. Will I be able to participate when my friends want to do a joint check in? No. Will I be able to attend Zoom meetings of my writing chapters? No. (I tried, didn’t work). Will I be able to attend on-line classes? Not unless someone sits next to me, goes through the steps, and somehow gets me into the class.

So how do I survive in this tech world? I admire what others are able to accomplish, I congratulate them on their successes, and I ooh and aah over the next tekkie advancement being promoted, knowing I’ll never be able to do it.

Some people grew up math-averse. I grew up tech-averse. 

Guess I’ll just concentrate on writing my next book.