ESCAPE FROM BAD ROMANCE (Part 2)
First of all, I need to apologize! On April 29, in Part 1 of this blog, I had mentioned that Part 2 would appear May 27. It didn’t, and that’s why I’m apologizing. I had also mentioned, I was new to blogging, and well, honestly, I forgot to post! I’m sorry. Here is Part 2:
Want to escape from bad romance? Perhaps I can help. I’m not referring to books! I’m talking about actual romance. We began this discussion in Part 1. Over the next few blog posts, I’m going to share an amazing discovery I made through writing. (I’m Raz Steel—my degree is in Philosophy, I’ve been writing most of my life, and teaching writing for more than ten years.)
Storytelling is a tool. As a professional writer, it’s a tool of habit for me. Applied one way, it entertains an audience. But what if I could show you how storytelling applied another way could break you out of a pattern of failing romance?
And you don’t have to be a writer to use this tool. You don’t have to write at all. My process could be just as effective for a non-writer. In Part 1, I suggested that what allowed me to create the perfect story-romance was my understanding of not one character, but both romantic characters. Couldn’t that translate into a real-world experience?
What if the success of real-world romance depends on my understanding of myself and my partner?
What if changing your thoughts isn’t enough to change your romantic reality? What if you need to understand yourself, change your thoughts, and empathize with your partner?
The characters in PASS THE KRYPTONITE strive to understand themselves. They recognize foibles and unchanging patterns that leave them predictable and boring.
The characters don’t want to be predictable or boring. So, just as we do, they work to change.
They change their thoughts. But that still doesn’t deliver the romance they want. That romance isn’t available to them until she is able to empathize with him and he’s able to empathize with her.
Most romance writers and readers are women. If you’re a woman reading this essay, you probably already have a firm grasp on who you are, what you want, and why you want it. You already know about change your thoughts, change your reality.
What’s missing is, “How the hell do I empathize with a guy?”
I have a different perspective. I am a guy. It was incredibly difficult for me to learn how to empathize with a woman. But so rewarding!
For me, marriage failed. For one of the characters in PTK, romance failed. That character wallowed in self-pity and the pain of having someone reach down their throat, rip out their heart, throw it on the ground, and then stomp on it.
Mirrored my feelings precisely.
My character escaped. Why couldn’t I? How did my character manage it?
By understanding the only way to achieve the intimate relationship they wanted was to open themselves up again to that same kind of vulnerability.
Another PTK character’s engagement failed. They had reached down someone’s throat. Not deliberately trying to hurt anyone. Sometimes, relationships just don’t work out. That character empathized with their ex-partner though.
I realized . . . my characters are emotional risk takers!
(Part 3 of ESCAPE FROM BAD ROMANCE will appear on July 22)
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