The Crazy Idea of Non-Attachment

by Jeanine Englert

As someone with rather strong codependent tendencies, the idea of detachment, let alone non-attachment seemed ridiculous to me when I first heard it. But, over time, and with some repeated false starts and uncertainty about it, I began to see how practicing (because it truly does take practice) non-attachment even if only for five and ten minutes at a time might help me, especially in the mayhem of what has become and continues to be 2020.

The idea of non-attachment as I understand it, is that you acknowledge your attachment to specific feelings, things, and ideas, but you let them float by you as if you were on a river and  let them go. I know, it sounds, literally impossible, but it isn’t, as long as you give yourself some grace during the process. Even if I just have moments of non-attachment, I cheer myself on as it does help me become calmer, more present, and more . . . dare I say it . . . happy.

This is what non-attachment feels like for me. . .

Not sure how to go about non-attachment? I would recommend some exploration into apps or websites for guided meditation. Even a handful of minutes a day can help ease some of the strain and reactivity you may feel by being bombarded with the chaos surrounding you, whether it is work, family, or world related. I use my non-attachment time as a way to cleanse myself of whatever has snagged me emotionally and/or mentally throughout the day. It helps me to slow down, acknowledge what has upset me or hijacked my thoughts, and then let them go, even if only temporarily.

Have you ever practiced non-attachment or something similar to it? If so, please drop me a comment. I’d love to know how you have worked to gain more clarity and calm during this bizarre time. And, as always, I wish you happy writing, happy reading, and moments of calm and clarity amongst the chaos.

Jeanine Englert is a Golden Heart ® Finalist, Silver Falchion Award Winner, and Daphne du Maurier Award Winner in historical romantic suspense. After years of writing in secret, she joined Romance Writers of America and Georgia Romance Writers in 2013 and has been an active member ever since. She writes Scottish Highland historicals and historical romantic suspense novels.

When she isn’t wrangling with her characters on the page, she can be found trying to convince her husband to watch her latest Masterpiece or BBC show obsession. She loves to talk about books, writing, her beloved pups, and of course mysteries with other readers on Twitter @JeanineWrites, Facebook, or at her website

Her debut novel, Lovely Digits, released in June of 2019 by Soul Mate Publishing, is a Victorian romantic suspense that won the 2020 Silver Falchion Award for Best Mystery. It also won the 2017 Daphne du Maurier Award and was named a 2018 Golden Heart ® Finalist for best unpublished romantic suspense.

Where you can find me:






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6 Responses to The Crazy Idea of Non-Attachment

  1. sueberger3 says:

    Non detachment is terrific when I can get there. I meditate and I also have a practice of affirmations. Of course I have a lot of tennis ball bouncing mind moments and I don’t stay in non detachment. But I feel, like you, happy every time I get there.
    The best helpful thing I do for myself is avoiding news as much as possible.

    • jeaninewrites says:

      I completely understand, Sue! I can watch the news in the morning, but not at night. Otherwise, I can’t sleep. Wishing you some extra moments of non-attachment this week!!

  2. Sally Brandle says:

    I’m sharing this post, as you’ve written a gift we all can utilize. Thank you.

    • jeaninewrites says:

      Thank you so much, Sally for not only stopping in to read my post, but for sharing it with others. Thank you, thank you!!

  3. Tanya A. says:

    Jeanine, I loved this post! Before the pandemic, my husband and I talked about something you touched on – being more present. He told me that’s one reason he’s trying to take less pictures at events – so he can be there, present, and living in that moment rather than being obsessed with trying to get the perfect picture. My kids have adapted that in a way. My two older kids have told the younger ones – let Mom get the picture at the start so we can all enjoy the rest of the day. So thank you for the reminder that sometimes it’s good just to detach from the negativity and be present in that moment.

  4. Thank you, in this time of need we can all use some presence and calm vibrations. We know that we attract to use what we put out, so it’s important to remain positive and open for the good to enter our lives.

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