ESCAPE FROM BAD ROMANCE (Part 6)
Want to escape from bad romance?
In my previous five blogs, we discussed how to escape from bad romance in the real world and how that related to my writing. Part 1 (April 29, 2020), Part 2 (June 24, 2020), Part 3 (July 22, 2020), Part 4 (August 19, 2020), Part 5 (September 16, 2020). I thought perhaps the success my characters experienced could translate into the real world. (I’m Raz Steel—my degree is in Philosophy, I’ve been writing most of my life, and teaching writing for more than ten years.)
To be clear, I’m talking about actual romance and I’m sharing an amazing discovery I made constructing a novel.
Storytelling is a tool. As a professional writer, it’s a tool of habit for me. Applied one way, it entertains an audience. But what if I could show you how storytelling applied another way could break you out of a pattern of failing real-world romance?
You don’t have to be a writer to use this tool. You don’t have to write at all. My process could be just as effective for a non-writer. In Part 1, I suggested that what allowed me to create the perfect story-romance in my recently published romantic comedy PASS THE KRYPTONITE was my understanding of not one character but both romantic characters.
This suggested that the success of real-world romance depends on my understanding of myself and my partner.
Changing your thoughts isn’t enough to change your romantic reality. Understand yourself, change your thoughts, and empathize with your partner who is doing the same thing.
Remember, partners worthy of your romantic attention want the same thing you want. So, you have to understand—what do you want?
If you want an emotional risk taker and you’re sitting across the table from someone who clearly isn’t an emotional risk taker, and yet you persist, what can you expect other than the same results you’ve already had?
Empathizing with a guy doesn’t fall under the category of a universal rule. It doesn’t mean talking to him about sports—or listening to him talk about it. Maybe sports play a huge role in both your lives. That’s fine.
But empathy isn’t for sports. Empathy is for emotions.
What emotions is this guy feeling, and to what does he apply them? Maybe the only thing he applies them to is sports.
Doesn’t seem likely.
Maybe the only thing he’ll let you know he applies them to is sports. That means he’s not an emotional risk taker.
The emotional risk taker has to show you what he applies his emotions to so you have the chance to empathize . . . just as you have to show him where your emotions lie.
It’s exceedingly difficult to empathize with someone who isn’t an emotional risk taker since that person doesn’t show you their feelings. Much of the frustration of “How do I empathize with a guy?” has nothing to do with your well-honed empathic abilities. It has everything to do with his unwillingness and inability to give you/share with you the feelings he has that you can empathize with.
Look for the emotional risk taker. All of a sudden, your empathic skills—that perhaps you were beginning to doubt—will soar.
Romance is simply the most wonderful phenomenon—ever. Don’t just read about it.
Find an emotional risk taker.
Take a risk!
Pass the Kryptonite is a young adult romantic comedy by third-time author, Raz Steel, released by Soul Mate Publishing, April 29, 2020. It’s not what you think. There might be a few references to “Superman” but the story has nothing to do with the DC universe.
Willow Bolden, a nineteen year old psychology major, is on track to finish college so she and her BFF can attend grad school together and open their own clinic. And Willow loves her fiancé. She’s just not “in love” with him anymore. If only she could figure out how to tell him.
However, the “minor” fiancé problem pales in comparison to the brazen flirt hitting on her in cyber space. A zealous dancer hitting on her in Central Park. And a world-class psychology professor blocking graduation whom she’d like to hit.
She hates one. She’s never met two. And she’s analyzing all three. She has a roommate who loves to stir the pot, a cat who pretends to be a dog, and a dog who sings with a horse. Willow’s mother calls daily, her almost-ex-fiancé refuses to give-up, and she finds herself in a predictable rut.
But Willow is full of surprises!
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